It is utterly horrendous the increase in the cases of kidnapping happening around the city(ies)..What is even more shocking is the fact that there is no media coverage around the occurrences at all. That said it is impressive that people have turned their blackberry devices into tools to spread awareness, provide support and pray for the victims. Is this enough is the question and I think we can all answer with a resounding NO! Where is our Government? Where are our police? Private Investigators?
The saddest one to date has indeed been the kidnap of a baby....it really raises the question of what type of place do we live in??
God should have mercy on his children!
Amen
Subscribe To Anigerianwoman
Posts
All Comments
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Another Decade
We Thank God for his mercy as we see another year..Not just another year but the start of another decade.
So much to be thankful for to God as he watched out for, provided for, protected and provided for within the last decade.
Still remember when the big year "2000" was creating a buzz and I was faced with the big decision then of whether I should risk coming home to Lagos (from the US) for Christmans Holiday then as there was the fear that all the dates would reset to "1900" and so planes might not fly!! Its amazing what we as humans fear when we face the unknown or untested....Here we are at the end of the decade and with all the progress in technology don't we feel silly that we feared what would happen on 1-1-2000??
On a personal note I thank God for this past decade where I finished my higher education, got married, became a mother, moved back to my dear Country, grew as an individual and soo many other blessings.
I look forward to another amazing Year and Decade of increase and favor.
Happy New Year Everyone!
So much to be thankful for to God as he watched out for, provided for, protected and provided for within the last decade.
Still remember when the big year "2000" was creating a buzz and I was faced with the big decision then of whether I should risk coming home to Lagos (from the US) for Christmans Holiday then as there was the fear that all the dates would reset to "1900" and so planes might not fly!! Its amazing what we as humans fear when we face the unknown or untested....Here we are at the end of the decade and with all the progress in technology don't we feel silly that we feared what would happen on 1-1-2000??
On a personal note I thank God for this past decade where I finished my higher education, got married, became a mother, moved back to my dear Country, grew as an individual and soo many other blessings.
I look forward to another amazing Year and Decade of increase and favor.
Happy New Year Everyone!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Discipline
I am struggling with how to discipline my toddler...I fall somewhere between the No Spanking mentality and the every kid needs a good spank to know how to behave. Until recently a good frown and a threat of going to the corner would work in curbing my toddler from misbehaving but recently she just looks at me with a side eye and keeps on doing what she was doing.
I also find she is walking all over the nanny and even though i don't want to empower the nanny to feel she can discipline my child I need her to see her as some sort of authority figure and listen to her instructions.
At the same time I can tell and I feel I need to do something quick because she is getting smarter and smarter and is just testing my limits as often as she feels like.
I also find she is walking all over the nanny and even though i don't want to empower the nanny to feel she can discipline my child I need her to see her as some sort of authority figure and listen to her instructions.
At the same time I can tell and I feel I need to do something quick because she is getting smarter and smarter and is just testing my limits as often as she feels like.
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Knowledge..
So I recently hired a nanny who at the time she was being hired didn't understand english, the interview had to be conducted in our local language. My hubby had a problem with this because we have toddlers and he didn't want them around someone who didn't speak English. However we discussed this a bit further and the other things outweighed this concern..she had a good attitude, she seemed to be a hardworker, willing to learn and came from a somewhat trusted source plus it wouldnt have hurt for our kids to pick up the language.
She has been with us now for a month and in the beginning I did wonder whether it was the best decision...All communication had to be in the language. My daughter got frustrated when she was trying to communicate with her and she didnt understand what she was saying (in English). Luckily we have another nanny who can speak both English and the local dialect such that she could bridge the gap as necessary. On the plus side we did notice that our toddler was picking up some local language.
Imagine my surprise then today when I overheard a discussion between the non-english speaking nanny with my toddler and she - the nanny said a whole sentence in English to my daughter! I couldn't hide my surprise and amazement. I commented on it and she responded with such a pleased smile and said that she has been learning from my 3 year old!!
Amazing how this very young relationship is one of the most basic ones and both parties are able to learn from each other? A 3 year old and a 25 year old mother who is working as a nanny. It just made me appreciate how no one has monopoly on Knowledge and people must always be open minded!
She has been with us now for a month and in the beginning I did wonder whether it was the best decision...All communication had to be in the language. My daughter got frustrated when she was trying to communicate with her and she didnt understand what she was saying (in English). Luckily we have another nanny who can speak both English and the local dialect such that she could bridge the gap as necessary. On the plus side we did notice that our toddler was picking up some local language.
Imagine my surprise then today when I overheard a discussion between the non-english speaking nanny with my toddler and she - the nanny said a whole sentence in English to my daughter! I couldn't hide my surprise and amazement. I commented on it and she responded with such a pleased smile and said that she has been learning from my 3 year old!!
Amazing how this very young relationship is one of the most basic ones and both parties are able to learn from each other? A 3 year old and a 25 year old mother who is working as a nanny. It just made me appreciate how no one has monopoly on Knowledge and people must always be open minded!
Friday, September 03, 2010
September Cntd...
The End of Evil Is Never Good - So in continuation of my story of David and Saul. At the end of it all after all that hatred and envy...Saul ended up killing himself by purposely falling onto his sword. He didn't want to wait for anyone to kill him and so he did it himself when he knew his death was impending...He was paraded and finally burnt to ashes. His children were also killed..I am sure he wonders why he let all that envy eat him up. He lost his life, his kingdom and his sons at the end of the day. Might seem gory but the bottom line is Evil Never Ends Well....
While Good ol' David continued to prosper and go from Strength to Strength! Amen
While Good ol' David continued to prosper and go from Strength to Strength! Amen
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Septem(ber)
I opened my bible randomly to a page and started reading the story of David..We all know about how he was able to kill the Giant with just a stone....But at least I don't remember reading the story and paying attention to the other underlying messages.......
1) The Chosen one - he didn't look like he fit the part, he was small and young yet he was the one that God had anointed as the chose one. Even his father didn't think it was possible he was the "chosen one".
2) Obedience - His father obeyed the order to have him go to the king to play the harp whenever the king (Saul) had demons disturbing him. He went to the King and did his job well.
3) Courage and Curiosity - He went out and asked questions to understand what was going on when people were gathered around in Saul's land. That was where he learnt about the taunt of Goliath - asking if anyone could kill him they would rule over his people. He also learnt about what the King was offering which was freedom from taxes for the family of the person who could slay Goliath. With Courage he asked to be allowed to go after the giant - he boldly mentioned how his "simple" job of taking care of the sheep in the wilderness prepared him for this fight as he had in the past protected his herd and himself from bears and lions.
4) Being True to Himself - The kind offered David his amour to wear to protect him against the giant. However he didn't feel comfortable wearing the borrowed outfit and felt it was weighing him down. So David took it off and only went to face the giant with his stones and he successfully killed Goliath with one stone.
5) Life can be Unfair - After successfully killing the giant and saving the land, Saul ended up being jealous of him because some belly dancers dared hail David more than the King (he obviously forgot that this small boy was the one who killed the giant and saved them all). Being human and of short memory he had it in for David and was now determined to kill him. David as a result had to be on the run.
6) Forgiveness and Humility - David was able to flee because the King's son who had a soft spot for David told him about the King's plan to kill him. David as a result and of course with God's protection was saved from the Kings men who kept trying to kill him. This must surely have inconvenienced Davids life. He found an opportunity where Saul was delivered into his hands and he could have killed him without a second thought! What did he do instead? He cut off a piece of Saul's robe, bowed down in front of him still regarding him as his King and master and boldly told him how he could have killed him but he didn't, he showed him the piece of cloth he cut off his robe as evidence that he could indeed have harmed him but he chose not to, asked him how he could have decided to harm him David after all he had done. The King at the end of the day was remorseful and Thanked him and vowed not to kill him any longer.
This is purely my own interpretation......but real powerful learnings for everyday living
1) The Chosen one - he didn't look like he fit the part, he was small and young yet he was the one that God had anointed as the chose one. Even his father didn't think it was possible he was the "chosen one".
2) Obedience - His father obeyed the order to have him go to the king to play the harp whenever the king (Saul) had demons disturbing him. He went to the King and did his job well.
3) Courage and Curiosity - He went out and asked questions to understand what was going on when people were gathered around in Saul's land. That was where he learnt about the taunt of Goliath - asking if anyone could kill him they would rule over his people. He also learnt about what the King was offering which was freedom from taxes for the family of the person who could slay Goliath. With Courage he asked to be allowed to go after the giant - he boldly mentioned how his "simple" job of taking care of the sheep in the wilderness prepared him for this fight as he had in the past protected his herd and himself from bears and lions.
4) Being True to Himself - The kind offered David his amour to wear to protect him against the giant. However he didn't feel comfortable wearing the borrowed outfit and felt it was weighing him down. So David took it off and only went to face the giant with his stones and he successfully killed Goliath with one stone.
5) Life can be Unfair - After successfully killing the giant and saving the land, Saul ended up being jealous of him because some belly dancers dared hail David more than the King (he obviously forgot that this small boy was the one who killed the giant and saved them all). Being human and of short memory he had it in for David and was now determined to kill him. David as a result had to be on the run.
6) Forgiveness and Humility - David was able to flee because the King's son who had a soft spot for David told him about the King's plan to kill him. David as a result and of course with God's protection was saved from the Kings men who kept trying to kill him. This must surely have inconvenienced Davids life. He found an opportunity where Saul was delivered into his hands and he could have killed him without a second thought! What did he do instead? He cut off a piece of Saul's robe, bowed down in front of him still regarding him as his King and master and boldly told him how he could have killed him but he didn't, he showed him the piece of cloth he cut off his robe as evidence that he could indeed have harmed him but he chose not to, asked him how he could have decided to harm him David after all he had done. The King at the end of the day was remorseful and Thanked him and vowed not to kill him any longer.
This is purely my own interpretation......but real powerful learnings for everyday living
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Excitment
How does one pledge to keep dating after having been married for almost a decade. couple of kids, demanding jobs, traffic and frankly not too many entertainment options in this Lagos??
It is hard o! My husband and I recently decided to try and have some type of date every week to try and keep things interesting. Apart from watching movies or spending loads of money eating out there isn't much to do for fun. Imagine if there was a Nigerian version of ticketmaster.com? where you could actually find out about concerts and plays?
Most of my other married friends with kids just smile and nod and say you don't have problems when I tell them about my husbands' and I's challenges finding fun things to do on our weekly dates.
So what happens that we stop dating? Is it just too much effort? costs too much money?we cant be bothered? Shebi it was dating that got you to know each other in the first place to want to get married? To be honest for some of us our kids are free comedy :)
After watching soo many movies and eating way too much sugar popcorn its time to find something else to do for fun.
It is hard o! My husband and I recently decided to try and have some type of date every week to try and keep things interesting. Apart from watching movies or spending loads of money eating out there isn't much to do for fun. Imagine if there was a Nigerian version of ticketmaster.com? where you could actually find out about concerts and plays?
Most of my other married friends with kids just smile and nod and say you don't have problems when I tell them about my husbands' and I's challenges finding fun things to do on our weekly dates.
So what happens that we stop dating? Is it just too much effort? costs too much money?we cant be bothered? Shebi it was dating that got you to know each other in the first place to want to get married? To be honest for some of us our kids are free comedy :)
After watching soo many movies and eating way too much sugar popcorn its time to find something else to do for fun.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Time For Everything
Where does the time go....
Two kids later and I want to find every parent I ever judged their parenting skills/method and apologize to them for ever trying to imagine I could do the parenting thing much better.
You know what I mean..You know those kids you see throwing tantrums in the stores and you cut your eyes sideways at the parents and think to yourself...They need to be firmer with thier kids! or my kids would never try that with me??
Or you know that mother you know who never seems to have time for herself and you think gosh when I become a mother I will make sure I balance it better and be sure to have me time to take care of myself..Please which mother thinks there is enough time for having your hair neat, manicure and pedicure always fresh? Makeup always flawless......
Bottom line is that parenting is one of the most all encompassing roles you could ever have. So I constantly compare notes with my friends in the Western World who don't have access to domestic help and though yes they are more frazzled, parenting in Lagos isn't a walk in the park either. Domestic staff though easily accessible here are SERIOUSLY lacking in quality..Very few people here with multiple nannies can truly be comfortable with the staff they have at home taking care of their kids. Multiple stories abound with nanny's who do things from petty crimes to the more heavy duty crimes (God forbid we encounter these)
I think I am just getting to the point where I am able to carve out time for all the things I want to try and be - Mother, Wife, Sister, Daughter, Friend, Employer, Employee, House Manager..... while trying to look stylish in Lagos that is a discussion for another day!
Two kids later and I want to find every parent I ever judged their parenting skills/method and apologize to them for ever trying to imagine I could do the parenting thing much better.
You know what I mean..You know those kids you see throwing tantrums in the stores and you cut your eyes sideways at the parents and think to yourself...They need to be firmer with thier kids! or my kids would never try that with me??
Or you know that mother you know who never seems to have time for herself and you think gosh when I become a mother I will make sure I balance it better and be sure to have me time to take care of myself..Please which mother thinks there is enough time for having your hair neat, manicure and pedicure always fresh? Makeup always flawless......
Bottom line is that parenting is one of the most all encompassing roles you could ever have. So I constantly compare notes with my friends in the Western World who don't have access to domestic help and though yes they are more frazzled, parenting in Lagos isn't a walk in the park either. Domestic staff though easily accessible here are SERIOUSLY lacking in quality..Very few people here with multiple nannies can truly be comfortable with the staff they have at home taking care of their kids. Multiple stories abound with nanny's who do things from petty crimes to the more heavy duty crimes (God forbid we encounter these)
I think I am just getting to the point where I am able to carve out time for all the things I want to try and be - Mother, Wife, Sister, Daughter, Friend, Employer, Employee, House Manager..... while trying to look stylish in Lagos that is a discussion for another day!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Schools for the Little one
It is time to think of daycares for the little one. A year and more has passed and its time to start thinking of a good, safe playgroup for my toddler...
I am hoping people who read this blog can give me ideas of the daycares/creches/playgroups that they have had good experiences with in Lagos. As well as advise on what to think about when looking for a school....
Is it montisorrie or the old tried and tested?
Is it good to have all day or half day school?
Everyday or some days a week to start off if this is the first time going to school?
What ratio of children to teacher should I be thinking about?
Oh as for location the preference is in the Lekki area
Any advise is welcome!!
Friday, May 02, 2008
Unforgivable absencse....
It is May!! How?
At first I just couldnt find the time to update my blog, with managing being a new mom, back to work and dealing with the horrendeous traffic...that was my excuse for the first month or two after getting back to work in January....then we had bad internet connection at home....then it became "wow I havent updated in soo long, i dont even know where to begin"...then....
Anyway and that has brought me to May 1st (well now 2nd)...And being a working mom has become such a part of my life I cant remember how overwhelmed, anxiuos (and yes slightly guilty) I used to feel just a couple of months ago.
This post is a thankful note to technology and how it makes being a mom more manageabale for me
1) Phones - I can call and check up on baby as often as I want during the day and monitor every poop, every meal, emotions etc. Up GSM (well when they work - as a result have gotten landlines as well to bridge the bad network effect) -
cant imagine what it was like in our mothers time when they couldn't call home to check up on the baby --it was a real see you till i get home time!
2) Breastpump - Oh being able to pump and keep my baby as an exclusive breastfed baby for the first 6 months of her life despite coming back to work. Invaluable. Up Maedela! Ice packs! and coolers!
3) WWW - There is nothing and I mean nothing that i have a question about relating to taking care of the baby i have not been able to find with a "google". Its really amazing o what you can find about baby care from feeding questions, to drugs that are not safe for mum to take while breastfeeding (i found this was important when I was given prescription for myself, I asked the paharmacist is this safe considering I am breastfeeding...she answered "ehhen I think so" I was like excuse me..you think so??? my baby is at stake here. Anyway saved my valuable energy -jumped on google...and voila the answer was there!). Up Google and AskDrSears.com!
4) Laptop and the term "Flexible Hours"- woohoo the joys of being able to work from home on some days when I just could not face traffic, or was in a lack of sleep induced coma :) Interestingly though I found the idea of flexible hours still frowned on a bit as a working mom here in Nigeria...Up HP and whoever started the idea of flexible hours
5) Digital Cameras (and Phone cameras) - being able to take up to date/frequent pictures of the lil darl and staring at it at work when I need a "babyfix". As a result also able to keep all the various aunties and uncles in all the various parts of the world updated on her development. Up Canon/Snapfish etc
Am sure there are others I cant think about right now....
Will desperately try to keep this blog updated more frequently (wink wink)
At first I just couldnt find the time to update my blog, with managing being a new mom, back to work and dealing with the horrendeous traffic...that was my excuse for the first month or two after getting back to work in January....then we had bad internet connection at home....then it became "wow I havent updated in soo long, i dont even know where to begin"...then....
Anyway and that has brought me to May 1st (well now 2nd)...And being a working mom has become such a part of my life I cant remember how overwhelmed, anxiuos (and yes slightly guilty) I used to feel just a couple of months ago.
This post is a thankful note to technology and how it makes being a mom more manageabale for me
1) Phones - I can call and check up on baby as often as I want during the day and monitor every poop, every meal, emotions etc. Up GSM (well when they work - as a result have gotten landlines as well to bridge the bad network effect) -
cant imagine what it was like in our mothers time when they couldn't call home to check up on the baby --it was a real see you till i get home time!
2) Breastpump - Oh being able to pump and keep my baby as an exclusive breastfed baby for the first 6 months of her life despite coming back to work. Invaluable. Up Maedela! Ice packs! and coolers!
3) WWW - There is nothing and I mean nothing that i have a question about relating to taking care of the baby i have not been able to find with a "google". Its really amazing o what you can find about baby care from feeding questions, to drugs that are not safe for mum to take while breastfeeding (i found this was important when I was given prescription for myself, I asked the paharmacist is this safe considering I am breastfeeding...she answered "ehhen I think so" I was like excuse me..you think so??? my baby is at stake here. Anyway saved my valuable energy -jumped on google...and voila the answer was there!). Up Google and AskDrSears.com!
4) Laptop and the term "Flexible Hours"- woohoo the joys of being able to work from home on some days when I just could not face traffic, or was in a lack of sleep induced coma :) Interestingly though I found the idea of flexible hours still frowned on a bit as a working mom here in Nigeria...Up HP and whoever started the idea of flexible hours
5) Digital Cameras (and Phone cameras) - being able to take up to date/frequent pictures of the lil darl and staring at it at work when I need a "babyfix". As a result also able to keep all the various aunties and uncles in all the various parts of the world updated on her development. Up Canon/Snapfish etc
Am sure there are others I cant think about right now....
Will desperately try to keep this blog updated more frequently (wink wink)
Friday, November 02, 2007
Enjoying
Wow I didnt realise how long it has been since i updated my blog.
Its been months since i last posted about starting my maternity leave. I have had my darling daughter and she is the most adorable lil girl :)
I am totally loving motherhood and everything has come much more naturally than i thought it would. All the things i was unsure if i would know how to do this or that has just come like second nature and i seem to just "get" it.
w
Its been months since i last posted about starting my maternity leave. I have had my darling daughter and she is the most adorable lil girl :)
I am totally loving motherhood and everything has come much more naturally than i thought it would. All the things i was unsure if i would know how to do this or that has just come like second nature and i seem to just "get" it.
w
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Leave
I am finally on maternity leave. I was definitely ready for it.
It was getting harder to walk, sleep through the night and all the other things that go with getting closer to delivery. So getting to work on time and putting in a full 8 hours was getting harder and harder. I know some women are able to work almost all the way up to the week or day before they are due! I wonder how they do it. I definitely don't fall in that group.
Enjoying my time off soo far. Its been two weeks and just taking time to really get used to the fact that soon someone new will be coming into my life who I will love more than anyone or anything in this world. Pretty amazing.
Have also been doing a lot of reading. I read the book "Supernatural Childbirth" and liked the message from the book of claiming a safe and quick delivery. It does make you think though that where is the line between faith and medicine? Just an interesting thought.
It was getting harder to walk, sleep through the night and all the other things that go with getting closer to delivery. So getting to work on time and putting in a full 8 hours was getting harder and harder. I know some women are able to work almost all the way up to the week or day before they are due! I wonder how they do it. I definitely don't fall in that group.
Enjoying my time off soo far. Its been two weeks and just taking time to really get used to the fact that soon someone new will be coming into my life who I will love more than anyone or anything in this world. Pretty amazing.
Have also been doing a lot of reading. I read the book "Supernatural Childbirth" and liked the message from the book of claiming a safe and quick delivery. It does make you think though that where is the line between faith and medicine? Just an interesting thought.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
August already
Its been awhile since i have posted anything. I am getting more tired by the day and lazier and lazier.
This year is officially on a marathon..How is it August already???
Feel like i have spent the whole year expecting :)
Where do the other mothers out there shop for their babies in Lagos? Any advice would be very helpful. I guess i cant ship everything from abroad so would be nice to find a relatively affordable alternative here.
This year is officially on a marathon..How is it August already???
Feel like i have spent the whole year expecting :)
Where do the other mothers out there shop for their babies in Lagos? Any advice would be very helpful. I guess i cant ship everything from abroad so would be nice to find a relatively affordable alternative here.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Finding a partner
I stumbled accross this article recently and thought I would share. It is an interesting point of view and though I dont agree with 100% of it (especially not the point that marriage should not be based on love)- it does make one think both for those who are single and even for those who are married. I wonder how many married people will read this and think they wish they had known this before they got married and/or if it would have really made a difference.. You know hindsight is always 20/20.
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet with a divorce rate of close to 50%,it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married they'll say: 'We're in love'; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound 'not politically correct',there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love willcome. Let me say it again: 'You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone'; You need a lot more!!!
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work,you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e. trust that I won't get'punished' ;or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid toexpress your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as 'someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing ';.So ask about your Significant other:What do they do with theirtime? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people? The one most importantthing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we meanthe ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves andself-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxidrivers,etc. . How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to 'improve'; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: 'You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse' If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself introuble because you didn't do your homework. Another perspective. .. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from adistance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining,negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.Pay attention.
Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which onesencourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growthuphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand,know, or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. An African proverb states, 'Before you get married,keep both eyes open,and after you marry, close one eye'; Before you get involved and make acommitment to someone, don't let lust,pity,desperation, immaturity,ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open,and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important. Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life'; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING ANDASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT.
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.
Happiness keeps You Sweet, Trials keep You Strong, Sorrows keep You Human, Failures keep You Humble, Success keeps You Glowing, But........Only God keeps You Going!
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet with a divorce rate of close to 50%,it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married they'll say: 'We're in love'; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound 'not politically correct',there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love willcome. Let me say it again: 'You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone'; You need a lot more!!!
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work,you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e. trust that I won't get'punished' ;or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid toexpress your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as 'someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing ';.So ask about your Significant other:What do they do with theirtime? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people? The one most importantthing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we meanthe ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves andself-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxidrivers,etc. . How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to 'improve'; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: 'You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse' If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself introuble because you didn't do your homework. Another perspective. .. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from adistance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining,negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.Pay attention.
Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which onesencourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growthuphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand,know, or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. An African proverb states, 'Before you get married,keep both eyes open,and after you marry, close one eye'; Before you get involved and make acommitment to someone, don't let lust,pity,desperation, immaturity,ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open,and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important. Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life'; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING ANDASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT.
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.
Happiness keeps You Sweet, Trials keep You Strong, Sorrows keep You Human, Failures keep You Humble, Success keeps You Glowing, But........Only God keeps You Going!
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Getting closer
Getting closer and closer seems the weeks are just flying by. Feeling the baby moving around more and more - its really amazing and wonderful!
Need to start thinking about what I need to do to prepare myself better for delivery.
Any been there done that advise?
Need to start thinking about what I need to do to prepare myself better for delivery.
Any been there done that advise?
Monday, June 25, 2007
Update on an early post
I was responding to an earlier comment on my very first post on this blog and thought I would just make it its own entry.
At the time I started this blog, I was at the lowest (at least I pray it is indeed the lowest) point in my marriage of 2 years. I needed somewhere to vent and just put my thots somewhat anonymously. I am happier today Thank God and just wanted to share something I have come to realize which I wrote in the form of a reply to a comment to another reader....
You know XBloggerX, I was just going through my old posts and realised how discouraged I was feeling at the time I started this blog. I am happy to say now I have realized one of the roads to stay sane is to stick to your guns. "what you wont take tomorrow, don't start taking today". I think basically in-laws are bullies and once you call their bluff (which can indeed be hell initially) they do back off and go and look for the next victim.
I have at least for me realized that when their focus has moved away from you and your husband you can at least focus on yourselves and be happier. Amen!
At the time I started this blog, I was at the lowest (at least I pray it is indeed the lowest) point in my marriage of 2 years. I needed somewhere to vent and just put my thots somewhat anonymously. I am happier today Thank God and just wanted to share something I have come to realize which I wrote in the form of a reply to a comment to another reader....
You know XBloggerX, I was just going through my old posts and realised how discouraged I was feeling at the time I started this blog. I am happy to say now I have realized one of the roads to stay sane is to stick to your guns. "what you wont take tomorrow, don't start taking today". I think basically in-laws are bullies and once you call their bluff (which can indeed be hell initially) they do back off and go and look for the next victim.
I have at least for me realized that when their focus has moved away from you and your husband you can at least focus on yourselves and be happier. Amen!
Emotion-s
Didn't know the emotional ups and downs pregnant women went through were for real until recently. I mean I have gone more than half of the pregnancy with no drama really - infact I have been pretty easy going and laid back. Some even say I have gotten much nicer depending on who you ask!
Last week I had a total meltdown that left both my DH and myself shocked. I am not an overly emotional person nor am I a cry-er by any means but gosh did these two well hidden sides of me kick in this past week or what?? As I was dramatizing (if this is a word) I was asking myself at the back of my mind who is this person? Why am I soo upset and what is going on? I find crying quite unecesary since it doesnt solve anything (at least in my view). The thing that even upset me was not that big a deal come to think of it. But once the emotional door opened and I realized the "tantrum"was going to play itself out since I couldn't seem to stop myself from crying...I just gave in to ride and felt so much better afterwards!
On another unrelated note I heard an interesting and I thought somewhat profound statement that should be shared with men/boys. It goes "Men will loose money chasing women but men will not be able to loose women chasing men with money" or something along those lines....Hmm.
Last week I had a total meltdown that left both my DH and myself shocked. I am not an overly emotional person nor am I a cry-er by any means but gosh did these two well hidden sides of me kick in this past week or what?? As I was dramatizing (if this is a word) I was asking myself at the back of my mind who is this person? Why am I soo upset and what is going on? I find crying quite unecesary since it doesnt solve anything (at least in my view). The thing that even upset me was not that big a deal come to think of it. But once the emotional door opened and I realized the "tantrum"was going to play itself out since I couldn't seem to stop myself from crying...I just gave in to ride and felt so much better afterwards!
On another unrelated note I heard an interesting and I thought somewhat profound statement that should be shared with men/boys. It goes "Men will loose money chasing women but men will not be able to loose women chasing men with money" or something along those lines....Hmm.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Trimester Bus
Time is truly flying by..I remember when I was watching the calendar and counting the weeks and celebrating when I had passed the first 12 weeks and so had sailed through the first trimester.
and now here I am almost double that time.
I feel good and and its getting more and more real with each passing week.
I wonder how my life and HB's (hubby) life will change after the baby gets here.
Haven't had much complaints except for feeling quite sleepy and some serious back pain. I still haven't started any physical activity o!
Feel like I am watching my life progress like a movie, this is me married, not necessarily a newly married woman anymore (depending on who you ask), working, getting ready for a baby, running a house etc. It can get soo overwhelming and unbelievable sometimes when I remember a time that my biggest problem was hoping that I get into the secondary school of my choice.
Life really does move along quickly!
and now here I am almost double that time.
I feel good and and its getting more and more real with each passing week.
I wonder how my life and HB's (hubby) life will change after the baby gets here.
Haven't had much complaints except for feeling quite sleepy and some serious back pain. I still haven't started any physical activity o!
Feel like I am watching my life progress like a movie, this is me married, not necessarily a newly married woman anymore (depending on who you ask), working, getting ready for a baby, running a house etc. It can get soo overwhelming and unbelievable sometimes when I remember a time that my biggest problem was hoping that I get into the secondary school of my choice.
Life really does move along quickly!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Random thots
I really want to start working out because I dont want to get too big and then have trobule getting back to my pre-pregnancy size post delivery. But at the same time since I have not been the most physically active person before the baby I am not sure it is safe.
Or am i being too "vain" and should just wait to see what happens after I have him/her and then face getting the weight off. I guess I'll ask my doctor and see what DR. advices.
I would to love to start shopping for the baby, it is when it comes to shopping that I realize how easy it must be living abroad. I could at least then just run into ANY mall and be able to get things at affordable prices. Here in Lagos everything is like *5 the prices you would get them abroad - specifically the US. I mean do they have to price it up by that much to make a profit? Some of these prices are just pure robbery!
Does anyone know good sources for baby things here in Lagos that wont break my back account? Would be nice to start the registering for things online here in Lagos so people can buy you excatly what you need.
Or am i being too "vain" and should just wait to see what happens after I have him/her and then face getting the weight off. I guess I'll ask my doctor and see what DR. advices.
I would to love to start shopping for the baby, it is when it comes to shopping that I realize how easy it must be living abroad. I could at least then just run into ANY mall and be able to get things at affordable prices. Here in Lagos everything is like *5 the prices you would get them abroad - specifically the US. I mean do they have to price it up by that much to make a profit? Some of these prices are just pure robbery!
Does anyone know good sources for baby things here in Lagos that wont break my back account? Would be nice to start the registering for things online here in Lagos so people can buy you excatly what you need.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Update - Great NEWS
It is truly wonderful to be able to Thank God for giving me the gift of impending motherhood.
My prayers have been answered and I am expecting our first child, I just found out and it is truly a marvelous feeling to know I am about to bring a child into the world by the Grace of God.
I will say it has helped to bring myself and my husband closer and the post I had earlier where I mentioned that it might be easier to take crap if I know that I am bringing a child into the world has not been necessary...to be honest and fair. He has been the most supportive and helpful partner I could have asked for. I can almost (yes i said almost) forget all the drama we went through during the early days of our marriage.
He is ever willing to help me with my needs, keep me comfortable and generally treats me like an egg. It only just reinforces to me that I am thankful we did not let interfering family members tear us apart because at the core of it we are each others best friends and look out for each other.
His parents are very happy about the news and are always asking after my welfare. Its funny but even with everything that had happened I never for once thought about keeping the news away from his parents (as some people suggested). I pray a lot more now and know that God is in control and no evil thoughts or deeds can harm either me or my unborn bundle of joy.
Other mothers to be out there??
My prayers have been answered and I am expecting our first child, I just found out and it is truly a marvelous feeling to know I am about to bring a child into the world by the Grace of God.
I will say it has helped to bring myself and my husband closer and the post I had earlier where I mentioned that it might be easier to take crap if I know that I am bringing a child into the world has not been necessary...to be honest and fair. He has been the most supportive and helpful partner I could have asked for. I can almost (yes i said almost) forget all the drama we went through during the early days of our marriage.
He is ever willing to help me with my needs, keep me comfortable and generally treats me like an egg. It only just reinforces to me that I am thankful we did not let interfering family members tear us apart because at the core of it we are each others best friends and look out for each other.
His parents are very happy about the news and are always asking after my welfare. Its funny but even with everything that had happened I never for once thought about keeping the news away from his parents (as some people suggested). I pray a lot more now and know that God is in control and no evil thoughts or deeds can harm either me or my unborn bundle of joy.
Other mothers to be out there??
Monday, January 15, 2007
New Year
Its a New Year! Thank God for seeing a new year - 2007!
Wow another year makes you realize how quickly time flies.
Basically happy for God's mercies for myself and my family seeing this new year, praying for continued health, happiness, peace, and all.
But I found myself most especially praying for peace in my marriage!
But am so proud of myself because I have really matured as a wife.
Knowing how to get my message over to the Mr without always having to resort to an argument. Managing relationships with the in-laws much better. Looking forward to a New Year for more chances and hope with my Mr. where we can actually plan and move forward as a family...
The drama is definitely gone with 2006! Amen
Wow another year makes you realize how quickly time flies.
Basically happy for God's mercies for myself and my family seeing this new year, praying for continued health, happiness, peace, and all.
But I found myself most especially praying for peace in my marriage!
But am so proud of myself because I have really matured as a wife.
Knowing how to get my message over to the Mr without always having to resort to an argument. Managing relationships with the in-laws much better. Looking forward to a New Year for more chances and hope with my Mr. where we can actually plan and move forward as a family...
The drama is definitely gone with 2006! Amen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)