Schools for the Little one

It is time to think of daycares for the little one. A year and more has passed and its time to start thinking of a good, safe playgroup for my toddler...

I am hoping people who read this blog can give me ideas of the daycares/creches/playgroups that they have had good experiences with in Lagos. As well as advise on what to think about when looking for a school.... 

Is it montisorrie or the old tried and tested?

Is it good to have all day or half day school?

Everyday or some days a week to start off if this is the first time going to school?

What ratio of children to teacher should I be thinking about?

Oh as for location the preference is in the Lekki area

Any advise is welcome!!

Unforgivable absencse....

It is May!! How?

At first I just couldnt find the time to update my blog, with managing being a new mom, back to work and dealing with the horrendeous traffic...that was my excuse for the first month or two after getting back to work in January....then we had bad internet connection at home....then it became "wow I havent updated in soo long, i dont even know where to begin"...then....



Anyway and that has brought me to May 1st (well now 2nd)...And being a working mom has become such a part of my life I cant remember how overwhelmed, anxiuos (and yes slightly guilty) I used to feel just a couple of months ago.



This post is a thankful note to technology and how it makes being a mom more manageabale for me



1) Phones - I can call and check up on baby as often as I want during the day and monitor every poop, every meal, emotions etc. Up GSM (well when they work - as a result have gotten landlines as well to bridge the bad network effect) -



cant imagine what it was like in our mothers time when they couldn't call home to check up on the baby --it was a real see you till i get home time!



2) Breastpump - Oh being able to pump and keep my baby as an exclusive breastfed baby for the first 6 months of her life despite coming back to work. Invaluable. Up Maedela! Ice packs! and coolers!



3) WWW - There is nothing and I mean nothing that i have a question about relating to taking care of the baby i have not been able to find with a "google". Its really amazing o what you can find about baby care from feeding questions, to drugs that are not safe for mum to take while breastfeeding (i found this was important when I was given prescription for myself, I asked the paharmacist is this safe considering I am breastfeeding...she answered "ehhen I think so" I was like excuse me..you think so??? my baby is at stake here. Anyway saved my valuable energy -jumped on google...and voila the answer was there!). Up Google and AskDrSears.com!



4) Laptop and the term "Flexible Hours"- woohoo the joys of being able to work from home on some days when I just could not face traffic, or was in a lack of sleep induced coma :) Interestingly though I found the idea of flexible hours still frowned on a bit as a working mom here in Nigeria...Up HP and whoever started the idea of flexible hours



5) Digital Cameras (and Phone cameras) - being able to take up to date/frequent pictures of the lil darl and staring at it at work when I need a "babyfix". As a result also able to keep all the various aunties and uncles in all the various parts of the world updated on her development. Up Canon/Snapfish etc



Am sure there are others I cant think about right now....



Will desperately try to keep this blog updated more frequently (wink wink)

Enjoying

Wow I didnt realise how long it has been since i updated my blog.
Its been months since i last posted about starting my maternity leave. I have had my darling daughter and she is the most adorable lil girl :)
I am totally loving motherhood and everything has come much more naturally than i thought it would. All the things i was unsure if i would know how to do this or that has just come like second nature and i seem to just "get" it.

w

Leave

I am finally on maternity leave. I was definitely ready for it.

It was getting harder to walk, sleep through the night and all the other things that go with getting closer to delivery. So getting to work on time and putting in a full 8 hours was getting harder and harder. I know some women are able to work almost all the way up to the week or day before they are due! I wonder how they do it. I definitely don't fall in that group.

Enjoying my time off soo far. Its been two weeks and just taking time to really get used to the fact that soon someone new will be coming into my life who I will love more than anyone or anything in this world. Pretty amazing.

Have also been doing a lot of reading. I read the book "Supernatural Childbirth" and liked the message from the book of claiming a safe and quick delivery. It does make you think though that where is the line between faith and medicine? Just an interesting thought.

August already

Its been awhile since i have posted anything. I am getting more tired by the day and lazier and lazier.

This year is officially on a marathon..How is it August already???
Feel like i have spent the whole year expecting :)

Where do the other mothers out there shop for their babies in Lagos? Any advice would be very helpful. I guess i cant ship everything from abroad so would be nice to find a relatively affordable alternative here.

Finding a partner

I stumbled accross this article recently and thought I would share. It is an interesting point of view and though I dont agree with 100% of it (especially not the point that marriage should not be based on love)- it does make one think both for those who are single and even for those who are married. I wonder how many married people will read this and think they wish they had known this before they got married and/or if it would have really made a difference.. You know hindsight is always 20/20.

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet with a divorce rate of close to 50%,it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married they'll say: 'We're in love'; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound 'not politically correct',there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love willcome. Let me say it again: 'You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone'; You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work,you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e. trust that I won't get'punished' ;or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid toexpress your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as 'someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing ';.So ask about your Significant other:What do they do with theirtime? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people? The one most importantthing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we meanthe ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves andself-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxidrivers,etc. . How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to 'improve'; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: 'You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse' If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself introuble because you didn't do your homework. Another perspective. .. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from adistance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining,negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.Pay attention.

Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which onesencourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growthuphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand,know, or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. An African proverb states, 'Before you get married,keep both eyes open,and after you marry, close one eye'; Before you get involved and make acommitment to someone, don't let lust,pity,desperation, immaturity,ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open,and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important. Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life'; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING ANDASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT.

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.

Happiness keeps You Sweet, Trials keep You Strong, Sorrows keep You Human, Failures keep You Humble, Success keeps You Glowing, But........Only God keeps You Going!

Getting closer

Getting closer and closer seems the weeks are just flying by. Feeling the baby moving around more and more - its really amazing and wonderful!

Need to start thinking about what I need to do to prepare myself better for delivery.
Any been there done that advise?

Update on an early post

I was responding to an earlier comment on my very first post on this blog and thought I would just make it its own entry.

At the time I started this blog, I was at the lowest (at least I pray it is indeed the lowest) point in my marriage of 2 years. I needed somewhere to vent and just put my thots somewhat anonymously. I am happier today Thank God and just wanted to share something I have come to realize which I wrote in the form of a reply to a comment to another reader....

You know XBloggerX, I was just going through my old posts and realised how discouraged I was feeling at the time I started this blog. I am happy to say now I have realized one of the roads to stay sane is to stick to your guns. "what you wont take tomorrow, don't start taking today". I think basically in-laws are bullies and once you call their bluff (which can indeed be hell initially) they do back off and go and look for the next victim.

I have at least for me realized that when their focus has moved away from you and your husband you can at least focus on yourselves and be happier. Amen!

Emotion-s

Didn't know the emotional ups and downs pregnant women went through were for real until recently. I mean I have gone more than half of the pregnancy with no drama really - infact I have been pretty easy going and laid back. Some even say I have gotten much nicer depending on who you ask!

Last week I had a total meltdown that left both my DH and myself shocked. I am not an overly emotional person nor am I a cry-er by any means but gosh did these two well hidden sides of me kick in this past week or what?? As I was dramatizing (if this is a word) I was asking myself at the back of my mind who is this person? Why am I soo upset and what is going on? I find crying quite unecesary since it doesnt solve anything (at least in my view). The thing that even upset me was not that big a deal come to think of it. But once the emotional door opened and I realized the "tantrum"was going to play itself out since I couldn't seem to stop myself from crying...I just gave in to ride and felt so much better afterwards!

On another unrelated note I heard an interesting and I thought somewhat profound statement that should be shared with men/boys. It goes "Men will loose money chasing women but men will not be able to loose women chasing men with money" or something along those lines....Hmm.

Trimester Bus

Time is truly flying by..I remember when I was watching the calendar and counting the weeks and celebrating when I had passed the first 12 weeks and so had sailed through the first trimester.

and now here I am almost double that time.
I feel good and and its getting more and more real with each passing week.

I wonder how my life and HB's (hubby) life will change after the baby gets here.

Haven't had much complaints except for feeling quite sleepy and some serious back pain. I still haven't started any physical activity o!

Feel like I am watching my life progress like a movie, this is me married, not necessarily a newly married woman anymore (depending on who you ask), working, getting ready for a baby, running a house etc. It can get soo overwhelming and unbelievable sometimes when I remember a time that my biggest problem was hoping that I get into the secondary school of my choice.

Life really does move along quickly!

Random thots

I really want to start working out because I dont want to get too big and then have trobule getting back to my pre-pregnancy size post delivery. But at the same time since I have not been the most physically active person before the baby I am not sure it is safe.

Or am i being too "vain" and should just wait to see what happens after I have him/her and then face getting the weight off. I guess I'll ask my doctor and see what DR. advices.

I would to love to start shopping for the baby, it is when it comes to shopping that I realize how easy it must be living abroad. I could at least then just run into ANY mall and be able to get things at affordable prices. Here in Lagos everything is like *5 the prices you would get them abroad - specifically the US. I mean do they have to price it up by that much to make a profit? Some of these prices are just pure robbery!

Does anyone know good sources for baby things here in Lagos that wont break my back account? Would be nice to start the registering for things online here in Lagos so people can buy you excatly what you need.

Update - Great NEWS

It is truly wonderful to be able to Thank God for giving me the gift of impending motherhood.
My prayers have been answered and I am expecting our first child, I just found out and it is truly a marvelous feeling to know I am about to bring a child into the world by the Grace of God.

I will say it has helped to bring myself and my husband closer and the post I had earlier where I mentioned that it might be easier to take crap if I know that I am bringing a child into the world has not been necessary...to be honest and fair. He has been the most supportive and helpful partner I could have asked for. I can almost (yes i said almost) forget all the drama we went through during the early days of our marriage.

He is ever willing to help me with my needs, keep me comfortable and generally treats me like an egg. It only just reinforces to me that I am thankful we did not let interfering family members tear us apart because at the core of it we are each others best friends and look out for each other.

His parents are very happy about the news and are always asking after my welfare. Its funny but even with everything that had happened I never for once thought about keeping the news away from his parents (as some people suggested). I pray a lot more now and know that God is in control and no evil thoughts or deeds can harm either me or my unborn bundle of joy.

Other mothers to be out there??

New Year

Its a New Year! Thank God for seeing a new year - 2007!
Wow another year makes you realize how quickly time flies.
Basically happy for God's mercies for myself and my family seeing this new year, praying for continued health, happiness, peace, and all.

But I found myself most especially praying for peace in my marriage!
But am so proud of myself because I have really matured as a wife.

Knowing how to get my message over to the Mr without always having to resort to an argument. Managing relationships with the in-laws much better. Looking forward to a New Year for more chances and hope with my Mr. where we can actually plan and move forward as a family...

The drama is definitely gone with 2006! Amen

Kids

Yeah you know I think I want kids. it would be easier to take a lot of crap I think if one had little ones to think about. Hopefully I can confirm this thought soon...

SO...

it appears that one of the easiest way to avoid issues and drama is to avoid gatherings where there is room for there to be drama LOL. I was thinking that things have been relatively quiet and no issues :)

Then I just realized that there is a whole list of events coming up where I will have maximum exposure. I guess this is hard to avoid considering wedding activities coming up for end of year. I just realised I am actually slightly fearful of how ugly things might get. You know you try what you can and there is still going to be that "one" person who is just going to pass a comment to upset you....

I pray for strength to sail through!

Some More Happiness

So things are not as absolutely bleak as I thought they were before. Now the question is either I have gotten used to the ups and downs...Or....I don't think there is an Or. It is definitely that I have gotten used to the ups and downs and better able to manage it.

Marriage is able to bring out the best and the worst in you simultaneously. It is quite crazy and scary and powerful that this thing called marriage can dig into the depths of your soul and make you behave in ways and feel emotions that you never knew you had.

At least that's what I feel....

But things appear stable now. And the more I talk to other people the more I realize I am not just insane everyone deals with some issue or the other!

Happy!

Sometimes things need to get really bad to get better. So my honey and I came soo close to letting go of our marriage. It is scary to realize how easy it is to get to the point where one or both of you feel that this marriage is not worth the pain?

But when we were able to calm down and truly assess the situation we realize that hmm...we are on the verge of splitting up because of our families! What their expectations for us are, how they think things should be etc etc. Not saying that this solves all our problems o..But at least it enabled us see that if we fashi its for our own pocket o.

The same people who add drama to our lives and make us break up will only say sympathize with you for a quick second before they go back to their homes with their families.

isn't it ironic how the same people who poke nose (nosy people) the most are those who wouldn't that the same crap from anyone else?

Anyway we seem to be at the point where we truly want to draw some boundaries around what influence families have in our lives...

We'll see how this goes abi?

anigerianwoman

The general word is the first few years of marriage are the toughest. If you make it through these wonder years then you will be ok? maybe?

But what if the first year is soo horrific you don't think you can make it through? Or wonder if it is worth making it through?

In my experiences I am coming to the conclusion that Nigerian marriages face double/triple the issues a typical young marriage should face.

Our culture which has many good points (respect, importance of family etc) definitely did not leave room for marriages to have room to grow and evolve on their own..... I am yet to find out how our culture, our Nigerian culture that encompasses so many different tribes, religions, denominations, etc helps a marriage survive and or be happy. I have only seen it as the one thing that for sure can make even the strongest happiest couple reduce themselves to two lions from opposite teams locked in a cage (once the realities of what our culture demands from the wife sets in).

What is it that makes the man, his family and society feel that any woman who gets married should understand and embrace her new role, endure and accept all the difficulties that is seen as the badge of honor of being a married woman.

Her new goal is to respond to her husband and his families idea of the way life should be, she should not question his authority, he is the head and his word is final with no input from her. Infact if he listens to you you should be dancing for joy that he allows you to have input.

No matter how equal the dating period was, no matter how much of partners they used to be, the prior focus on the different strengths they both bring into the relationship. Once the wedding takes place she should understand that as the good "Nigerian wife" her voice is no longer supposed to be heard. She should suddenly morph into the most agreeable woman, child bearing champion, chef extraordinier, cleaner, perfect in-law that dances to the tune of her in-laws....

It really boggles the mind and it is soo sad to see young wives of today get married and be shocked, dissolutioned, discouraged, angered and all the rollercoaster emotions that comes with the fact that she supposed to embrace her role as a subservient, second class citizen once she makes the decision to say "I DO".

My tag question now is "Can culture (Nigerian to be specific) and a happy marriage coexist in this day and age?"